Loss can inject itself into our lives suddenly or creep us on us. But no matter how it impacts us, when we lose a loved one, there is never enough time. Time to love, forgive, share, communicate, laugh, embrace or simply say just how much they really mean to us. There will never be enough time to express something as infinite as love. Sometimes we are riddled with guilt or deem our loss as some kind of karma or punishment and we may resort to being closed or numb or angry. We can’t fathom that something so beautiful and someone so much a part of us, can be taken from us. There is nothing we can do to reverse, change or stop it. Our tight bubble of security, familiarity and communion we created and defined for ourselves has been broken by the flow of life. And we don’t like it. It feels like we ourselves are dying. That we can’t go on.
Loss kinda picks us up with icy hands and transports us to an eventual place of warmth where our hearts are softened and open.Yet during the process of grief, for whatever array of emotional, mental, or physical reactions we may be experiencing at any given moment, the common denominator of them all is, we don’t want to go through it. We don’t want to suffer. We’re futilely doing everything that we can to control that which cannot be controlled by ourselves. So we resist, protest, deny, cry, numb, ignore and literally fight for life in an effort to salve or bypass the pain of loss.
The beauty of loss, though, can only be found by opening our hearts to it and allowing it to reintroduce us to life. It reminds us of the preciousness of life, its value and impermanence. It magnifies our dreams and what really matters outside the bubble of busyness and self-importance we have created for ourselves. It utilizes our numbness to soften our hearts. Our anger becomes compassion for others. Our resentment dissolves into gratitude for who we are, and what we have been given. If we allow it.
For someone who has avoided funerals all their life, it was nothing short of life’s sardonic irony that I would watch someone I love die. The wound is still fresh but my heart is now being filled with a fond remembrance of the rhythm of the dance, the kiss of life and the aroma of loving with your heart open. That’s where you find your greatest miracles. It is also when you find out just how powerful you are. That the things you thought would destroy your soul have actually breathed new life and promise into you.
Life does have a rhythm and a flow. We have to learn to trust that the Creator will provide us everything in every instance to not just survive, but thrive. Our resistance is what separates us from our miracles. Our fear is what separates from our freedoms. Life, today or tomorrow, is a gift. If you knew today were your last day, chances are you wouldn’t be concerned with how much material or financial success you’ve gained during this course in miracles, or if you won your last argument or debate, but instead “Did I love enough?”
I’ve heard some speak about the 5 stages of grief. If I had to sum it up, I’d say the 5 components of a joyful life would be: acceptance, flow, compassion, gratitude and forgiveness. When you hold any of these close to your heart not only are you saying yes to life but you are saying, I trust you. I know that by giving any of these away in love, I am in no way being diminished. That there is enough for me. And for everyone. And the more I give, the more love there is. The more love, the more trust. The more trust, the more peace.
Sometimes life will bring us places we dare not go. Many of them will be painful or uncomfortable to us. But it’s our response ability to keep our hearts open that will determine how we live, how we love and what kind of journey we ultimately create for ourselves. Sometimes loss can show us how fragile, weak and broken we are. But most times it’s seeking to show us how strong, resilient and blessed we truly are and how much more we stand to gain by living and loving life with an open heart.---Freedove