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WHY I STAYED


As is the case with Janay Rice, most people blame the victim for being in it, not realizing that most, if not all physical abuse starts out emotional and/or psychological. Not to mention, sociopaths and psychopaths are quite charming, very patient and most calculating in gaining the trust of their victims. They are masters of the art of crazy making and manipulation. By now, we all know, at least in theory, that love doesn’t hurt and domestic violence is just wrong. But getting out of the vicious cycle is not always the easiest thing to do. Esp without a support system. To have a healthy self estimation, to love and honor oneself, one must realize nothing is worth sacrificing your peace, safety, happiness or losing yourself over. The time it takes to come to that resolve varies from person to person, situation to situation as we all live life on levels and arrive in stages, at our own pace, through our own personal experience and choices. There are also other factors and variables others may not be privy to that influence an individuals decision to stay. None of which, IMO ever equate to a good enough reason to stay in an unhealthy abusive relationship. #whyileft I left when I realized how much God loved me and that the only time I felt at ease or safe was when my abuser was absent. I knew God could not possibly want indefinite hell for me and eventually found the courage and strength to attempt seeing myself through God's eyes because at that time, I didn't feel worthy or deserving (yes, abuse does that). I did, however, innately know it was impossible to get to a place of loving myself where repeated emotional, physical, and psychological abuse of my mind, body and spirit was allowed. most times the abuser has no intention of getting the help they need. The only thing staying promotes is dysfunction, codependency and a vicious cycle of pain. The only way to change the situation is to change how you value yourself and your life. And JUST GET OUT of the situation. It is said there are no victims, only volunteers. I believe that is true, to an extent. I believe the more we grow and evolve, the better choices we will make for our lives. I occasionally share my story with young women in workshops to help them understand how the choices we make for ourselves can impact our lives. If you are silently suffering I pray you find the strength and courage to leave and choose love of self over a counterfeit love. It is much better to be alone and have your peace of mind and safety than live in a situation that dishonors you, frightens you, disempowers you and hurts you. God loves you. You are worthy of love. If anyone deserves your love, it is you. Love yourself enough to reclaim your life. If you are not there yet, ask for support from family and friends. #whyIleft The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−7233 http://www.thehotline.org/

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